Serenity's Sacrifice
by Shelliebelle
Summary: Usagi thought she was simply Princess Serenity's friend and lady in waiting, until Serenity tells her the terrible truth. Serenity is dying. And she wants Usagi to take her place.
1. Chapter 1

I was a child until the spring of my seventeenth year. In a very short time, I grew up. Not only did I become a woman, but I became a different person entirely.

The first time I saw her, I knew that my life would change forever. She was near to five years older than me, but she smiled with such sweet sincerity that I, in my simplicity, thought that surely she must be an angel, and I told her so. But she only laughed, and told me that I was so young, and that she was sorry to place so heavy a burden on me. Though when I inquired as to what burden she would place on me, she smiled that dazzling smile at me, and changed the subject.

In the days that followed, I discovered much about her, and suspect she discovered much about me, as well. We were so alike, she and I. I told her she did not have my unruly temperament, but she only laughed and told me that it had, most likely, been trained out of her from the very beginning, and she suspected that had it not, we would have yet another commonality. But our similarities did not end there, of course. In fact, we were so similar, even in appearance, that even her closest friends sometimes mistook us, the one for the other.

If there had been time, I am certain that we could have been the best of friends.

And, ultimately, that was the issue. Serenity lacked time.

I didn't know it at first, of course. Very few people were privy to the truth, and it was the most highly guarded secret in the entire kingdom. I am not ashamed to say that when I was told, I cried as though I might never stop.

"Usagi," she admonished gently, touching my hair, so similar to hers in color and length. "Usagi, don't cry."

"There must be something that can be done," I cried, sniffling rather inelegantly. She smiled regretfully.

"Nothing, I'm afraid. Quite incurable." She said it as though one might say '_It looks like rain, pity about the weather'_, or some other trivial remark, and it sent me into further hysterics. I had become so fond of her already. But she simply stroked my hair, waiting for my sobs to subside.

"You remember, Usagi, that I apologized to you when you were brought here," Serenity began softly. I nodded, wiping my cheeks. Now I was a little ashamed of myself for giving way to such intense emotion. Serenity would never allow herself to behave as I just had, and I so wanted to emulate her.

"I am so sorry to burden you with this, Usagi. You are so young, you have all your life ahead of you. I want you to know that you can refuse what I must ask without any fear of repercussion. But for the sake of the kingdom, I must ask it." She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and in that moment, I would have agreed to anything to make her happy again.

"Usagi, I am dying. I have a month or less to live, and there is no cure for me. You must have, by now, noticed our physical similarities," she said, and again I nodded. "I am asking you to take my place upon my death. I need you, for the sake of this kingdom, to be me."

I reeled with shock, and some of my confusion must have shown upon my face, for she threw her arms around me, hugging me to her as if she were afraid that I might run.

"I'm so sorry, Usagi. I would not ask this of you if I did not have to. But I am my mother's only child, and there will be no one to guard the kingdom when we both are dead."

"Your mother," I gasped, only just now realizing the implications of such a charade. "I would never be able to fool your mother."

"She knows, Usagi. She was the one who found you," Serenity responded.

"My parents," I said suddenly, my eyes growing impossibly wide. Serenity shook her head regretfully.

"They cannot be told. I would have you understand everything before you make your decision, Usagi. It will be my body that dies, but your life will be forfeit. It is I who will live through you. If you agree to what I ask, I will be buried with the name Usagi, and you will live with the name Serenity. Your parents will be told that you are dead. Only a select few will know the truth."

My body was trembling with the weight of this fantastic secret. My eyes lifted to hers, and though her gaze was steady, a few tears had escaped down her pale cheeks. She looked tragic and beautiful.

"There is one thing more. I have a fiancé. His name is Prince Endymion of Earth. He has not been told of my condition, Usagi. If you decide to do this, you are to marry him." Her hands trembled on my shoulders, and my heart wrenched at the thought of her offering her beloved into the keeping of another. I could not imagine how much it must hurt her.

"He will certainly know that I am not you," I said. She shook her fair head.

"I love him with all my heart, Usagi, but we see each other rarely. The next time I am supposed to see him is on our wedding day, some months hence. Of course, by that time, I shall no longer be in the realm of the living." Her lips trembled into a pale shadow of a smile.

"How can you jest?" My voice broke, and I dissolved into tears. She held me comfortingly, though I suppose I should have been the one comforting her.

"I have made my peace with my fate, Usagi. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of leaving my people unprotected. I have so little time left, and so many things left to accomplish. I need your help. If I did not believe that you could accomplish what I cannot, I would not ask. But, Usagi, you must believe me when I tell you that there is no one else to whom I would entrust this task. We are just alike, you and I. I believe you will fulfill our duty to our people, that you will honor my mother, cherish my fiancé, and love my friends as if they were your own. Will you do this great task for me?"

I was so sure that no one could ever replace her, that I would fall far short of her perfection. But her entreaty was in her eyes, her desperation to be certain world was well protected before she left it. And she was certain that I could do it. Her certainty gave me the courage to do what was required of me. I closed my eyes, shed a few, private tears for my friends and family whom I would likely never see again, and opened them again with resolve.

"I will do it," I said firmly.

She looked at me silently for a few moments, as though giving me time to change my mind, but I didn't waver.

"You will have to begin lessons at once," she said. I was confused.

"Beg pardon?"

"Lessons," she said. "You will require lessons in being me. You will need to know how to walk, how to talk, how to sit, and how to dance. You will need to be well-versed in my family history, a basic knowledge of several languages, as well as learning to recognize the people that commonly come to court. You will need to know seemingly trivial things so that no one suspects the truth. And," she said softly, "I will need to teach you everything I know about Endymion."

"Oh, Serenity," I breathed, "can't we tell just him? Please?"

"Absolutely not," she said firmly. "If he knew you were not me, he would never wed you, and that would be the end of all our plans. He does love me, you see. It would kill him to know that I am dying. I doubt not that he will learn you are not me after the wedding. But by then, you will already be married, and he would have to denounce you as a fraud to get the marriage annulled. That is something he would not do." Serenity placed her delicate hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead.

"Usagi, I am entrusting him to you. I love him better than anyone in the universe. I know you will love him, too, if only for my sake."

"I will love him as you do, Serenity," I replied.

"I know you will," she said, laying her forehead against mine. We sat there for a few minutes, each of us desolate, comforting one another. Finally she drew away and stood, offering me her hand.

"Come," she said. "There is much for you to learn and little time in which to learn it."

Weeks passed quickly, and I learned everything I could about the life of a princess and the behaviors of a princess from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep at night. Serenity tutored me the most. She seemed well enough at first, if a little pale. But towards the end, we were confined to her bedroom as she could no longer find the strength to stand.

Finally, on that last morning, I woke to several people filing into my chamber through the secret passage through the wall that Serenity had used in her healthier days. Two women carried Serenity in. The black-haired one snapped at me to stop gawking and get out of bed.

"Rei," Serenity said gently, "be kind to her. She will be your princess." Her words rasped and her breathing was labored. As I clamored out of bed, Serenity was laid gently upon it, wearing the same simple cut of nightgown as I was.

I was horrified. In all my weeks of training I still had not prepared myself for this moment; for Serenity's inevitable death. I knelt at the side of my bed, silent, hot tears sliding down my face as I looked down at her.

"Don't cry for me," she said, touching my hand gently. Her breath rattled, and her eyes fluttered. "I give you my name, Serenity," she whispered, "I give you my mother and my friends. I give you my betrothed. Be good to them as I would have. You are so young," she said on a sigh.

"I will do all that you have asked of me," I replied, my words steeped in sorrow. "Serenity, I shall miss you. You are my dearest friend."

But she could no longer hear me.

Even as I bent my head to cry for her, I was pulled away from the bed, and pushed back through the passageway into Serenity's room. Swift hands yanked my nightgown over my head and just as quickly pulled on finer one, one of Serenity's.

"You get in bed, Serenity," Rei, Serenity's black-haired friend said to me. "I must go announce Usagi's death."

I did as I was told, and shortly after Rei left, the bedroom door opened again, and the queen, whom I had never met before, and several other courtiers entered.

"Serenity, my dear," the queen said, her voice soft and sad, "I regret to inform you that your lady-in-waiting, has passed away."

She walked nearer to the bed, and, hesitantly held out her arms. I fell into them at once. To the courtiers, I am sure it looked like the queen comforting her daughter in her time of grief. But I knew that the queen was crying for her lost daughter, and I am sure she knew I cried for her, too.

It was the twentieth of May.

It was the day I died, to be reborn a princess.


	2. Chapter 2

Once, a long time ago, when I was a very small child, I came upon a mass of butterflies hovering around a blossoming fruit tree. They moved like water, wave after wave of crimson wings flitting around the flowers and cresting on the green grass below. It occurred to me then that butterflies were amazingly social creatures. One could not exist without another there to see its beauty, someone for which it could preen and shine and flirt invitingly around. They were lovely and yet, for all their beauty, they were ordinary, for there about hovered a thousand others all identical. I wondered then what the use was in being lovely if everything is just the same? And then it was that I saw the moth, just simple little brown one, resting upon the bark of the tree, struggling vainly to camouflage its ugly body. All the fluttering butterflies trapped it there against the tree, surrounded by beauty, existing only to make each butterfly look more beautiful in comparison.

That is very much what my first few days masquerading as princess felt like. I was trapped in a place of infinite beauty, feeling entirely unworthy. Lady after lady flittered around me, all like large, bright butterflies. The colors were vibrant and exotic, the gowns cut in every current style, the hairstyles delicately curling and sleekly shining. They were vastly different and yet at once the same, all pretty colors and no substance or thought, all existing only for beauty's sake.

And I was the little brown moth, intimidated by all the shimmering butterflies and aware of my own flaws.

And I was flawed. A few hectic weeks of studying does not a princess make, and I was incredibly fearful of some mistake I would make. And I made many. Oh, so many. Most were easily explained, and all were dreadfully embarrassing.

I never talked of my Life That Came Before, but I shall say that it was not a courtly life. In fact, had the queen herself not commanded me to come (a fact which I did not learn until much later), I would never have seen it. I was a simple country girl. I was peasant stock; pretty but simple.

It took longer than one could possibly imagine to learn the simple fact that everything had its own set of rules. Every move was practiced and rehearsed to perfection. Things that were second nature to Serenity I had to spend countless hours perfecting. Even the simplest of moves took days to learn. The soundless sweep of a gown's train over the steps, the soft 'click' of slender heels on the marble floor, the flick of the hand indicating something should be removed - I learned all of these mannerisms. I learned her way of tipping her head at just the perfect angle when answering a question. I filled dozens of notebooks to perfect her delicate flowing script. It took weeks for me to finally understand the truth.

All this time I had thought that really all along it would be me playing a part, me pretending to be this glorious beloved princess. All of a sudden I learned the truth of Serenity's words. She had not lied to me. Usagi was well and truly dead. She expected me not to masquerade as her but to become her. In order to succeed I could not be a child playing pretend, dressing up as a princess and ordering subjects around. I truly had to be Serenity. Even in my heart of hearts, I could not allow myself to believe that I had ever been anything but Serenity. I could not just talk like her and write like her, I had to think like her. Even in my mind I could not fall back on my simple thoughts as though they were a respite from a hard day's work.

Indeed, I had to forget it was work at all. For this I needed to know everything about Serenity. I needed to laugh over her childhood memories, memories she had lived and I had not, but I would forever after think of as mine. I needed to exclaim over gifts, which I had not received and she had, that other Serenity. I needed to recall conversations of which I had never taken part.

And most of all, I had to forget all that which was my own. My own small house, my parents, my friends. All must be forgotten. Indeed, even when I was introduced to my own parents at my funeral, I could allow no single solitary spark of recognition to show in my eyes or on my face. And I succeeded wonderfully. My parents, too consumed by grief and too awed by the magnificent prescence of their sovereigns, did not recognize me for the daughter they had thought lost to them. I never saw them again after that. I heard years later that my mother had died bearing my younger brother, and my father died soon after. My brother was sent to live with distant relatives and never learned he had a sister. So ended my past completely.

But time moves like molasses when you dread every moment to come, and those first weeks when the transition from simple girl to stunning princess was complete were the most agonizing of my life. I was so suddenly very alone. I could not voice my thoughts and fears aloud, much less to a living, breathing being, and the few that knew the terrible secret I kept seemed to despise me.

Serenity's friends avoided me like the plague except when it was absolutely necessary for them to be present, and their coldness towards me was the scandal of the year for the court. I can still recall with amazing clarity the moment I approached them about their attitudes. I called them all to my private quarters and dismissed all maids lingering about. They came, however unwillingly, skulking about the room like caged animals, sitting when I had not bid them sit, making their displeasure in my actions clear.

"Ladies," I said, "I have called you here today to discuss your noticeable lack of warmth toward me in public. I understand that we hardly know each other, but for the sake of that which we have all worked so hard to accomplish, this cannot go on. You do not yet have any friendly feelings for me, and I understand. But you must at least pretend, please, if not for me than for the friend that you lost."

Rei, the volatile woman with the hair as black as her temper strode towards me with sure, definite steps. I saw her hand flying at me, but Serenity had prepared me even for this, and I did not so much as flinch away. Her hand struck my face with all the force of her arm behind it, and my vision blurred for a moment before I regained focus. I stared coldly at her, Serenity's perfect look of disdain. She seemed taken aback, but only for a moment.

"You are not fit for the office you have attained," she spat venomously. "You look through her eyes, you speak with her voice, you use her words, and you write her thoughts, but you understand none of it. No matter how hard you try, you will never be her. You will never be good enough, smart enough, perfect enough. No one could be her. No one could take her place."

"I know," I hissed as Minako slinked up beside me, turning my face side to side to inspect the blossoming mark on my cheek, "do you not think I realize that? Do you think it is easy to give up everything I have ever been to become somebody else? I have sworn to give up everything I love for you, do you understand? Serenity is beyond the world of the living. She asked me to care for _you_. Nothing you say and nothing you do will turn me from this task that I have undertaken, but you do not make it easy for me to love you as Serenity wanted me to."

"This will want powder," Minako remarked thoughtfully, as though unaffected by the turn of the conversation. She tapped the redness lightly and clucked sympathetically as I winced. "We cannot make it appear as though Serenity has any flaws. I pray it does not last more than a week."

"She is not Serenity," Rei said tightly, "she is nothing more than a pretender to the throne."

Minako turned on Rei like a mother cat protecting her litter. "She is Serenity, Rei. She will be Serenity for the rest of her life. Can't you at least understand that? Usagi is dead. Serenity is alive. This girl gave the gift of life to our closest friend. How can we let that go unnoticed? She's certainly right; we jeopardize everything by behaving as we have."

"I agree," Ami interjected, quietly closing the book she'd brought with her. "If even only just in public, we must appear that everything is just as it was before…" she trailed off, bringing her fingers to her lips as helpless tears sprang to her eyes.

Makoto flicked the silken curtains restlessly, her green eyes scanning the gardens below. "All right," she said at last. "I apologize. We are not enemies," she said, meeting my eyes at last. "We may not be friends, but I do apologize for our unfitting behavior. You are doing us all a great service. We owe you gratitude, if nothing else.

"Rei?" I prompted, turning what I hoped was an inscrutable expression on the last remaining woman. She shrugged as if it did not matter terribly much to her, and I was more than happy to let the matter drop if circumstances improved.

And surely they did. While nothing more than cordial in private, the women certainly opened up in public, quickly banishing the rumors that Serenity and her favorites were on cool terms.

In all this turmoil I forgot the most important day in this whole charade right up until Serenity's friends filed into my chamber at dawn one morning. Surprised at the intrusion, I hastily asked the reason they had come.

Minako seemed quite taken aback, and she gaped at me in the most undignified expression I have ever seen cross her beautiful face.

"Why, Serenity," she gasped, "it's your wedding day."

From there on, everything seemed quite a blur. People came and went and time passed as I was bathed and powdered and dressed and all sorts of last-minute details were hurried along. It seemed like minutes flew by but it was certainly many hours later that I was at last being dressed. I was wracked with nerves, glad of the veil shielding my face. The dress was easily the most heavy I had ever worn, with fabric trailing yards back behind me in a train that would be carried by Rei, Minako, Ami, and Makoto. I desperately hoped that Rei did not dislike me enough to publicly expose me as a fraud, and then I mentally berated myself for thinking that she might.

At last that dreaded moment came and the music began. I took those first hesitant, trembling steps through the door and down the aisle, and everyone turned to look at me. In that moment, I would have liked nothing more than to turn and run. But almost of its own volition, my right foot slid neatly forward, a perfect princess-like move. And sure enough, my left followed after. I floated gracefully down the aisle amid sighs and longing glances. When I reached the alter, I took careful care not to look at the man who stood beside me. He took my cold hand in his, and we repeated our vows. My voice was so smooth and even it took me by surprise. I recited everything perfectly, just the way Serenity would have. And I had just married her groom.

He lifted the lacy veil slowly, draping back over my head. I thought I saw a spark of something in his eyes – confusion, surprise, anger? – but it was gone before I could properly identify it. His lips were cold on mine, and he drew back almost immediately. As the church erupted into thunderous applause, I recognized what I had seen in those cold, icy blue eyes.

Rage.

He knew.


End file.
